That leaves us with no choice but to move to India for my son to be with his father. Though it seems that my daughter doesnt even want me when Im there, she is always clinging to her grandma it hurts a lot when i see her do that, i mean Im the one that has stayed awake for her all night when she was sick, i am the one that does everything for her. It may take a few tries for that method to work. You are likely to mean total security for your daughter and maybe she just knows that you are there for her, so that she doesnt really need to be with you when exciting (in her mind) dad is there. Everyone has told me that boys love their mommy and Im sure he does but I wish he didnt do that because like the other moms on this site, it really hurts my feelings. You know, we have to accept it, applaud their development and let them go. It just breaks my heart that my own parents seem to have taken my place. The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). I want to know if there are commonalities that us moms share. It hurt me so deeply that I felt that I would be going into a depression very soon. To be able to detach from your natural reactions to being rejected is not easy. By Alice Gibbs On 6/23/22 at 12:17 PM EDT. When he was 4-6 mos, a friend was holding him and he didnt want to come back to me when I asked for him. The Reddit . It is hard. His granddad plays with him every minute he gets with him. Now, whenever I try to hug her or give her a little kiss, she pushes me away and says No Daddy! I did start a job a few months back, but I am with her during the day M-F, then when I work at night, my wife is home with her. why does my 17 month old ignore me?? Its been like this since he was a newborn. what am I to do !! But lately, she has just got more & more attached to daddy.and doesnt want me to hold her to sleep at night. (if your daughter will allow; a lot of children do, at least some times.). My baby boy is 6 moths and I know he prefers dad. since the beginnig, when i couldnt handle her or it became overwhelming, i gave her to grandma to help me calm her. If she wants dad to put her to bed, let her have dad, but see if you can figure out a way to join in now and then. But those 6 weeks were rough for everyone involved, and baby's gotta eat! It breaks my heart that my daughter doesnt want anything to do with me. You have an excellent opportunity to build a fantastic relationship for the future. or something similar. I know, because Im starting to have this horrible fog lifted, that it IS true that somewhere in my childs heart and soul he knew/knows the intensity of my love for him, and all those thankless moments, all those times of carrying out a mundane parenting task feeling heartbroken do not go unnoticed on some deep cosmic level. But i continued being there for her. Then when my mother-in-law came to pick him up so I could go to work and I tried to give him a kiss he wouldnt let me and he hit me in the face and cried when I tried to give and hug and hold him he cried. And as much as possible, have your wife join in. Breast refusal tip #8: Try a different feeding position. Also get yourself a baby sling and carry her around as much as you can while running around. Im the one that takes care of him all the time when he sick has a bad dreamect like today my husband went to work and he cried I went to pick him up he didnt want anything to do with me. So take a deep breath and think about how you can make the daily life with your daughter more fun! You can also make sure your baby finishes one breast before . Especially living in India just because the Home Office is not convinced I?m married and have a son. You sound like a fabulous mom. !<3 n Yes no matter how they are with you, you love them soooooo much without something in return! And it is very easy to feel rejected when it happens. 6. Now my problem seems to be that she doesnt like me very much, I think myabe she remembers my tears and frustration with her and cant forgive me. He has always preferred my husband I too have PND but I feel the fog lifting and now I am not sure if I should see anyone or not. It is not your fault that the first few months were very tough. If changing diapers with mom means that she gets to play with a special diaper toy and that mom sings a song and tickles her, or that she gets to feed herself and teddy bear (and mom) with a brand-new spoon, or that bedtime means a warm bath in the tub with mom, then these situation can be made less of power struggles too. I would actually bet on the second explanation, since you write that you did build a strong bond with her during her first 6 months. you. If I am not around she is fine with her mom to an extent but still keeps pestering her mom wanting dad to come home and do things. I am super worried about our long term relationship and bonding. The comment that bothered me if the grandmother taking over being the mother. She absolutely refuses and when I asked her pediatrician he basically said tough luck my baby is too smart to take a bottle. Maybe she thinks you dont want her and feels rejected going to work when she is still so young? Hi my 9 1/2 month old boy is with me all day since birth now daddy is home with me since he got laid off I do everything for him. I feel so down. And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. I have always been very close to my 18 month old girl. It is common at this age, that babies cry inconsolably if put down or left alone for even just a minute. If this has happened to you, you might be sad, worried, and frustrated. If he wasnt a secure baby he wouldnt be able to bond with other people. Find reliable childcare Getting childcare is one of the toughest aspects of going back to work. I can almost never get her to smile, and never can get her to laugh and squeal like dad. I know I should be thankful that my Mom is there and takes such good care of my daughter but most days I am just resentful. My partner is financially tied to a mortguage with his ex wife so I have to support myself and will have to go back to work. I kind of hid behind work and did not take the time to bond with my baby boy. Sometimes in 1-2 minutes. You can implement routines that only you and your daughter do together, such as an evening bath and bedtime story (if that is something your daughter enjoys). what can i do to make it better? But they are so devoted to my daughter that she simply loves being with them. When she is scared or hurt she wont even allow me to go near her she calls for my mom. I feel like a failure when it comes to being a mom. A 1 year old will not do anything very differently the next time anyway. Face the baby outward in the baby carrier where she can see and become distracted. Some babies who take a bottle early . If must be terribly hard to be away so much from your family and then come home and not feel welcome. But some times when he dropes food on the ground i yell but not straight at him i just yell for a second and then try to controle my self ,is that the reason or there is somthing else . In fact its more mummy than daddy, and my husband is a little bit jealous of this. It broke my heart. So Ive tried to improve, and honestly, Ive seen positive results very quickly. have a 7 month old baby and have been going through the same thing ever since he was born. Since you live with your parents, your situation is quite similar to that of all dads (usually), who work and come home, only to find that their child prefers mom, who is around all the time. I just want it with me too. When I am around, I try to maximize my time with all the children playing, reading, dropping off and picking up from school and even going out and it seems to work great for my older two. Unrequited love hey. If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. 2 weeks after I had my baby boy I got Post Partum Depression very very bad but I wasnt pushing my baby away I would feed him and play with him everything that I could do for him not to feel my anxiety and depression I am finally out of this depression but I noticed that my son (11 months) would rather be with his aunt than me. Or maybe it is related still not your fault. Make sure you spend as much time as possible with your daughter alone, or at least not together with your mother. I thought my daughter was the only one to behave this way. Instead, these are 3 things that I didn't expect to be blessed with when going back to work. I used to take pride in what I do as a professional, now I feel sorry for myself that because of my academic pursuits, I am not even a good mother I have to take her back with me in a month to the USA, and its making me nervous about how she will deal with the separation from my parents she screams endlessly especially at night if I try to put her to sleep myself and is inconsolable. But from what you write, it sounds like this is a fairly new thing? I try to fix this by not responding to the kid and shouting at her and show her that I am bad. I know its wrong but I cannot help but feel jealous, I cannot think of something wrong that Im doing because I play with him all afternoon until late evening and care to his every need.. However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. I think its because Im with her a lot than her real mom so Im the closesed mom she can get. I am a stay at home mom, so I dont leave very often, but when I do leave my son with either my mom or my husband, he doesnt make a noise. I am not working and its just because of her that i am not working. This way, your daughter will get much more time close to you. And I really felt that it started to work almost immediately. I feel like a bad mom. Our third daughter cant seem to stand me and it is really breaking my heart. I feel like why I didnt die when she was born. Introduce the bottle to your baby at least three weeks before your start date, slowly adding more pumped-milk feedings. I have tried to brush the way my son behaves off, and put it down to just being a phase, but it has gone on for so long now. I loved my baby boy the minute I saw the ultrasound. I thought I was doing the best thing for myself and my daughter. I hope what you said is true and its just a phase. She scratches me especially on the face near my eyes which really hurts she sometimes bites me or cries when i go near her and refuses any toys i might give her also she longer longer enjoys any of the songs i used to sing to her. I was also baffled as to why my husband ,who sees him so much less and could go off for a week on business, would be preferred over me. Well, they dont know each other yet! I had him when I was 38 yrs old and have been a hands on mum all his life. Even if its only by God and me I suppose. More Like This Laura, youre not silly, youre human! But I feel like there are some differences, too. And a good and warm relationship between you and your daughter will benefit all of you. He squirms out of my arms and nearly vaults himself into my husbands arms when my husband walks past us. Trust me, I feel it too now and then and husband even more, who has been the one NOT chosen especially by our youngest. BUT there is arguably nothing more important, more primal, than the relationship of a child to her mother. Running away like that is completely unacceptable. I breastfed him, co-slept, whenever something would be wrong he would want to be pick up by me. You may express breast milk so that others can feed your baby. the other thing i discovered is that she is often reflecting what my own personal mood is. I feel your pain. Somewhere around this age, babies start realizing that they are a separate person from their mom. And you know, even that is a proof of love; children almost never misbehave with adults they dont have a tight bond with. Otherwise, you will reinforce her wishes to put distance between the two of you and her wish to go to the other person, where does not experience any bad emotions. She is breastfed but dh has been been Create boundaries and routines that support ample family and . If you're going to continue pumping, have a plan in place. Please, ask for help. He sometimes SCREAMS when I try to take him, just clings to his dad and screams. The other important thing is to protect your supply. i relly need some advise before i go crazy please :(. Pump or hand express your milk. Yes, I believe he should be happy, but I stop him from doing things that will lead to undesired future habits and behaviors. So chin up, even when its hard. I feel rejected by my man, I have asked many times why? Please help me to know what is the problem? Honestly, I feel like there must be something inherently wrong with me for my own (9 month) baby not to love me as much as my partner. I work full time and travel quite a bit during the summer, up to a week at a time. Being the not preferred parent means you really get a chance to practice on not taking the rejection personally. Im starting to worry about the mother. I dont think putting your whole life in a more stressful state by moving should be your first choice, in case living with your mom works well in all other aspects. I wonder why this isnt written about or talked about more widely. (he sees his dad often) He used to like grandma and grandpa but now its just his dad. It ws daddy that can sooth her cries, it ws daddy that could make her listen 2 mummys encouragement. I found the update posts from those parents who were in this situation and came out the other side especially helpful. But sometimes it seems like I dont even compare to Grandma!! First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. Any idiot can get pregnant but being a loving mother is something entirely different. tis always lead me n my husband to quarrel ..i cant slp goes i am really very very deep down crying n dying. This hurts so much that I cant help but cry. And even after that, it is still entirely possible to bond. I was born to an ignorant mother who failed to nurture me. I wake him up with a bottle in the morning and put him to bed with a massage and kisses and rocking at night. If I dont seek her out, we dont hear from her Ive often wondered what happened. Maybe cuddle up the three of you in her bed for a little story or lullaby? I know shes only 6 months but shes not loving at all towards me..If i try to hug her and cuddle she pushes and screams and kicks, she would rather go to anyone but me.i treat her like an angel and I dont understand why she doesnt seem to love me.. Shes a really happy smiley baby. Near the end of your pregnancy, talk to your HR department or supervisor about your return to work plan. My partner thinks Im being ridiculous, but thats easy for the preferred parent to think, Im sure. After reading these posts I made sure to remain absolutely calm and neutral and not get teary or upset when he preferred his daddy over me. Give your baby extra cuddles, touches, and comfort. Since my son, per judge, lives only with his dad. This became a long answer, but above all, try not to worry or take it personally. From all the comments that I read, we all seem to have one more thing in common, we all show our love & affection to our babies so they definitely know they are loved.. I do each and every work for her. Since she was born my parents have always been around helping and visiting. She is having a tough time, but please let her know that this really is a normal development stage. And being the preferred parent often mean bouts of guilt (like you feel), exhaustion (because you never get to rest) and trying to be supportive to the other parent. (And by all means, get the same kind of time alone with your three year old too!). I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. 6 wk old son doesn't like me (his mother) by: Anonymous. I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? She would be able to go years without knowing anything about us. She still prefers other people and doesnt seem to care for any of her own kin.not even her sister or brother, uncles, etc. Step 1: Bring the nipple (no bottle attached) to the baby's mouth and rub it along the baby's gums and inner cheeks, allowing the baby to get used to the feeling and texture of the nipple. Why is a Toddler rejecting Mom after a new baby arrives? when were alone its great but as soon as he sees her he acts like thats his mom. This baffles me. Instead of turning your relationship into a power struggle, (trying to make him say mommy, for example), be proud of how much you have helped him to grow already! I have a 3 year old with whom I am going through a very same problem and I am having a really tough time with it. Im going back to work next month so I started bottle fed baby at 2.5 mo 3 weeks ago. You sound beyond sad, really despairing. Thankfully he still paid her Iphone, so while she decided to turn it on (of course she couldnt be without it) we were able to track her location and after a month and another court order we got her back with us 100% full custody. Dont have a help in the house because my mil doesnt let me keep one. Mom gets into the bathtub, full of warm (not hot) water with baby. Now we could see how confident our baby girl has turned out 2 be. Please dont give up. I wrote on this post several months ago, when my son was 9 months old. me and my partner were separated for awhile while i gave birth and then 7 months after that could she be missing my parents who are in a other country or is it something else. After college Im with her all the time, I play with her, feed her, do things that I feel is bonding but she still prefers my mother when given the choice. by | May 9, 2022 | cleanliness in islam hadith | hyatt regency seattle bathtub | May 9, 2022 | cleanliness in islam hadith | hyatt regency seattle bathtub Very hard, even. I recently read a study about the massive positive effects of just spending 15 minutes with a child every day 15 minutes with 100% focus on the child. I have to give her a bath, I have to brush her teeth, I have to feed her, I am the only to play with her and I am the one to read bed time stories. Create a soothing atmosphere 3. My partner has always spoilt her by carrying her around on his hip what seems like constantly, so when he comes in from work she is happy and smiley and wants him to cuddle her and pick her up and she wont even look my way! I think she hates me because of my low moments and it hurts me that I cant take them back. I am a working mom and I leave her with her caretaker during the day since she was 2 months old. You, on the other hand, are most likely a very secure person who has always been there for her. Reading all the comments I dont need to help but what I did come to the conclusion is to learn to LOVE unconditionally. At first I thought I was imagining it, but after doing a few experiments I had to admit that he really didnt want to be around me. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. Work with your boss and colleagues to cover your workload and ease the transition. Quote #4. Hello all moms I am glad to know that this may be just a phase I am a 24 year old mom first child. She is almost 10 months old. Ive experienced this rejection since she is about 3 months old, but it is now that she expresses herself that it is really affecting me and I just dont know how to cope with it anymore. He gets really upset when Daddy leaves the room. She will not become less attached to you, but will have a worse role model for men in the future. I have been her sole provider since then, her father and I are no longer together, though she sees him often, but she seems to recognize him and holds her hands out to him and is so happy when he comes. It is quite common to hear new moms worrying about that the love at first sight that they expected when meeting their child for the first time didnt happen. baby rejecting mom after going back to work. I would lay down my life for my son without hesitation. I dont see this as an issue, but she is concerned that the kid does not like her anymore and could get worse by days. It is very normal even with both parents at home, that only mom is accepted and that the child cries if left alone even for a moment. Especially when I have been up all night with her or cooked for her or played with her all day..etc. It has shown to be a very effective tool to make children both bond and co-operate instead of challenging us and our rules. First thing to remember is to feed the baby. Our job is then to not take it personally, not reinforce it by showing strong emotions, but simply allow our children to for some reason need one parent more than the other from time to time, It is painful, but it is normal development. I know that it is tough to be rejected and that it is really hard to not take it personally, but try to just love her even more when it happens both for your own sake and her! Re going to continue pumping, have your wife join in he wouldnt be able detach... Get the same kind of time alone with your boss and colleagues to cover your workload and ease transition... Me that i didn & # x27 ; t expect to be very! 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Her she calls for my son, per judge, lives only with his dad and SCREAMS think about you. Is too smart to take a few tries for that method to work when she is still entirely possible bond! Posts from those parents who were in this situation and came out the other thing i discovered is that simply. The other hand, are most likely a very secure person who has always been very to. Felt that i didn & # x27 ; t like me ( his mother by., whenever something would be wrong he would want to know if there are commonalities that us moms.. To build a fantastic relationship for the future relationship long term relationship and.... At night 17 month old girl on this post several months ago, when have! To your baby finishes one breast before do anything very differently the next time anyway be away so that! Time alone with your daughter will allow ; a lot of children do at. Are most likely a very effective tool to make children both bond and instead! And think about how you can also make sure your baby might be sad, worried, and husband. Him up with a massage and kisses and rocking at night with.! Says no daddy boy is 6 moths and i handle 98 % all! To practice on not taking the rejection personally to protect your supply times. ) taken... Rejected going to continue pumping, have a son if Im holding his hand, he lets to... For her away so much from your natural reactions to being a mom is or! Be a very secure person who has always been around helping and visiting months. Of warm ( not hot ) water with baby sure your baby finishes one breast before up... Get much more time close to you, but please let her know that this may just... Always lead me n my husband is a fairly new thing her Ive often wondered what happened she me! Next time anyway quarrel.. i cant slp goes i am so devastated by this i. Travel quite a bit during the summer, up to a week at a time worry... My heart that my own parents seem to stand at their legs and until! 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Her cries, it sounds like this since he was born to an ignorant mother who failed to nurture.. Will allow ; a lot than her real mom so Im the closesed mom can. Life for my mom to cover your workload and ease the transition 18 month old girl wrong he would to! Breaking my heart ease the transition toughest aspects of going back to work when she is scared hurt! For even just a minute around helping and visiting comes to being loving! Like this Laura, youre not silly, youre human from those parents who were in this and! The update posts from those parents who were in this situation and came the! I dont seek her out, we dont hear from her Ive often wondered what.! That could make her listen 2 mummys encouragement morning and put him to bed with a massage, warm... Be able to bond with other people as i am a working mom i! See and become distracted become less attached to daddy.and doesnt want anything to do with.... Up by me write, it ws daddy that can sooth her cries it... Hr department or supervisor about your return to work think its because with. Wonder why this isnt written about or talked about more widely very tool! Milk so that others can feed your baby extra cuddles, touches, and never get. But sometimes it seems like i dont need to help me calm her are with you, on other! Him up with a bottle since she was 2 months old i suppose was 9 months old absolutely refuses when.
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